It was 3 am, I think I was awake. You know that place that is kind of in between dreaming and being fully awake? The story of the prodigal son playing out like a movie in my head. (Luke 15). I could see all the players. The prodigal, the older brother, and the father....
A prodigal like the son in the story, is one who has chosen to walk away. Walk or run away from God, relationships, and ultimately truth. Most prodigals justify their walking away with statements like; "it's my choice", "it's my life", or "it's my path". What prodigals are trying to say is I'm looking for my own brand of truth. Some even stamp God's name on it, in an effort to justify and make it palatable from themselves and others they know are watching. The problem is with the word, "my". Prodigals believe a lie that life can be all about them. They can say they belong to the family and yet have no signs of belonging in their lives. We have perpetuated this thinking because we are such a self-serving people. And then self becomes our god. When God said, "you shall not have any other gods before you." I'm pretty sure He wasn't just talking about statues made of gold. Because He could see Kim Day's heart even then. I have spent the last three years cleaning out idols in my life and will spend the rest of my life doing so. As I clear away a bunch of little ones there usually seems to be one big one taking center stage, SELF! And, I find myself in the position of a prodigal. Saying to God, " I will be god for awhile and I will choose." I will choose whether to engage in relationship. I will choose how to spend my time. I will choose where I go. Dislodging this idol is hard and painful. It will require a lifetime of awareness and desire to live under the protective authority of our loving Father. We are all prodigals. Learning to recognize being a prodigal in our hearts, minds,and behavior more quickly and running home to our Father, our source, more swiftly are the marks of maturity in this life of following.
The words on all of our prodigal lips should be;
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
Often when I don't recognize my own prodigal heart I take on the persona of the older brother in the house. Looking at other prodigals and thinking, how they need to get it together or pointing out all the things in their lives that I see that are wrong. A clear indicator to me that I probably have a log sticking out of my eye! (Matthew 7:3)
Recognizing a prodigal is not wrong though. I think that's where some want to take it. As if to say if you recognize a prodigal that you are judging. The fact is I can recognize prodigals because I am one. In the words of John Bradford; "but for the grace of God, there go I." As long as we don't take on the role of judge over someone else's life.(Only God is big enough for that!) Fragile line to be sure with our idol serving selfies. It's so much easier to say, "they are getting what they deserve", or "they have made their bed now let them sleep in it." with an air of self righteousness. Or what about the non ability to rejoice or be happy when something good happens? Can anyone say, big brother syndrome! I wish it was a syndrome. Unfortunately, it is not a syndrome it is sin and my heart knows it all too well.
Loving a prodigal is hard, the father in the story constantly going out to the road so that he could see the son from afar is an action that many of us need to learn. The action of being willing to go and look with anticipation of their return. I think about how many days the father went to the end of the road, only to be disappointed, his hope dashed once again. You see it is still up to a prodigal to recognize their need and return to relationship. I've been there countless times. I say; just be done, just stop going to the end of the road. It's hard work, it cost me, it doesn't seem fair, I can't bear being disappointed one more time, protect yourself and just don't go....all words that have played over and over in my head. But in my heart, the place that I'm asking to be constantly aligned with my Father's heart and for Him to then bring my thoughts in line with His, it's there that He speaks to me and says; "go to the end of the road." I'm prompted again to put myself out there. I also recognize the truth that my heart seeks rightness instead of restoration, and I am humbled once again by my own heart's darkness and self-righteousness. I remember how many times Father has been waiting for my return at the end of the road because of my own wandering feet/heart. The motivating factor to road watching must be restoration, It's my Father's purpose every time. (Nehemiah 9:17)
Putting on my tennis shoes and going to the end of the road....
Still learning,
Kim
A prodigal like the son in the story, is one who has chosen to walk away. Walk or run away from God, relationships, and ultimately truth. Most prodigals justify their walking away with statements like; "it's my choice", "it's my life", or "it's my path". What prodigals are trying to say is I'm looking for my own brand of truth. Some even stamp God's name on it, in an effort to justify and make it palatable from themselves and others they know are watching. The problem is with the word, "my". Prodigals believe a lie that life can be all about them. They can say they belong to the family and yet have no signs of belonging in their lives. We have perpetuated this thinking because we are such a self-serving people. And then self becomes our god. When God said, "you shall not have any other gods before you." I'm pretty sure He wasn't just talking about statues made of gold. Because He could see Kim Day's heart even then. I have spent the last three years cleaning out idols in my life and will spend the rest of my life doing so. As I clear away a bunch of little ones there usually seems to be one big one taking center stage, SELF! And, I find myself in the position of a prodigal. Saying to God, " I will be god for awhile and I will choose." I will choose whether to engage in relationship. I will choose how to spend my time. I will choose where I go. Dislodging this idol is hard and painful. It will require a lifetime of awareness and desire to live under the protective authority of our loving Father. We are all prodigals. Learning to recognize being a prodigal in our hearts, minds,and behavior more quickly and running home to our Father, our source, more swiftly are the marks of maturity in this life of following.
The words on all of our prodigal lips should be;
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
Often when I don't recognize my own prodigal heart I take on the persona of the older brother in the house. Looking at other prodigals and thinking, how they need to get it together or pointing out all the things in their lives that I see that are wrong. A clear indicator to me that I probably have a log sticking out of my eye! (Matthew 7:3)
Recognizing a prodigal is not wrong though. I think that's where some want to take it. As if to say if you recognize a prodigal that you are judging. The fact is I can recognize prodigals because I am one. In the words of John Bradford; "but for the grace of God, there go I." As long as we don't take on the role of judge over someone else's life.(Only God is big enough for that!) Fragile line to be sure with our idol serving selfies. It's so much easier to say, "they are getting what they deserve", or "they have made their bed now let them sleep in it." with an air of self righteousness. Or what about the non ability to rejoice or be happy when something good happens? Can anyone say, big brother syndrome! I wish it was a syndrome. Unfortunately, it is not a syndrome it is sin and my heart knows it all too well.
Loving a prodigal is hard, the father in the story constantly going out to the road so that he could see the son from afar is an action that many of us need to learn. The action of being willing to go and look with anticipation of their return. I think about how many days the father went to the end of the road, only to be disappointed, his hope dashed once again. You see it is still up to a prodigal to recognize their need and return to relationship. I've been there countless times. I say; just be done, just stop going to the end of the road. It's hard work, it cost me, it doesn't seem fair, I can't bear being disappointed one more time, protect yourself and just don't go....all words that have played over and over in my head. But in my heart, the place that I'm asking to be constantly aligned with my Father's heart and for Him to then bring my thoughts in line with His, it's there that He speaks to me and says; "go to the end of the road." I'm prompted again to put myself out there. I also recognize the truth that my heart seeks rightness instead of restoration, and I am humbled once again by my own heart's darkness and self-righteousness. I remember how many times Father has been waiting for my return at the end of the road because of my own wandering feet/heart. The motivating factor to road watching must be restoration, It's my Father's purpose every time. (Nehemiah 9:17)
Putting on my tennis shoes and going to the end of the road....
Still learning,
Kim
