Hey exhausted mommy!
I
know you....
The first time you gave birth, you thought to yourself, "I'm not old
enough to have a baby", " I can't do this", "Who would
trust me with a life?" I remember the first day you were left alone
with two babies under the age of 2, both still in diapers, sleep deprived, and
pretty sure God had made a mistake. After all, how would He let 2
children be completely reliant on a very flawed woman like you?! I see
you, with the toddlers in tow at the grocery store, one throwing a fit and one
touching everything in sight. I remember you momma, the times you sat and cried
because you didn't know if you were disciplining right or teaching them right.
I see you sitting at the kitchen table after going over the same math
problem for the 50th time and questioning, "should I really be
homeschooling?", "surely someone else could do a better job.".
I remember your thoughts, your anxious thoughts, of were you enough for
these children that God had given you, could you love them enough, teach them
enough, prepare them enough. And mommy, I remember your prayers, prayers
of utter dependency, of knowing, if God didn't come through you were sunk in
this whole mommy thing. He did come through! And, in the process
you learned that coming to the end of yourself and clinging to Him was best for
you. This is a process that you are still learning, and probably will
until you draw your last breath. But, it is with the material that we
call children, that He sinks that life giving reality down deep. The
constant caring, disciplining, holding close, and learning to release, teaches
us something about this divine relationship of Father and child, that keeps us
ever in the position of needy and learner.
We live in a time where there is more information on how to raise children than
ever before. There is an abundance of materials, books, websites,
magazines, and what about the mommy blogs out there!? And for all of the
information, I'm not sure it serves you well mommy. When we see in Titus
2, Paul admonishing that the older women were to teach the younger women to
love their children, it was to be within community. Things about husbands
and children are spoken about within the confines of relationship, face to
face, life on life, community. We as a culture have become so accustomed
to googling whatever we need we don't even know how to go ask another woman how
to cure diaper rash, discipline a toddler or a teenager, or talk to our
children about God, sin, sex, and or countless other life talks. Why?
Are we so used to an instant fix? There is no instant fix with children;
it is day after day, year after year. Are we too proud? So afraid
that someone might think we don't have it all together, how far will that get
you? And, what will happen to your children in the mean time? When I was
raising our two, we had the bible, our parents and grandparents, a few faithful
friends in the same place we were and wanting to do it God's way, a few
families we saw that had somehow survived and their kids were grown and loved
Jesus, and James Dobson. Which I was pretty sure his book, Strong Willed
Child, was written just for me, my copy was falling apart and was almost
completely highlighted...every word! You know what? I think we had
enough. With all the information out there today it breeds insecurity and
comparison at a time that you are certain you don't know what you are doing
anyway! God gave you your children, so I have to believe He will give you
what you need to raise them. But, once again, the culture is screaming at
you, telling you everything IT believes you need to know and do to
raise your children. On top of that, all of these so called, "words of
wisdom" come from a culture that at its core doesn't value children.
The culture says; Children are expendable...
This is evident with 153 million orphans in
the world, over 700,000 abortions each year in the U.S., and 397,122 in
foster care just here in the states. Children are often viewed as not
important, and an inconvenience. I am bothered by some of the mommy blogs
that I read, even those that pride themselves on being Christian in content,
that speak as if they will be able to go on to more important and greater self
fulfillment when their children are grown or out of the house. Our culture
tells us how to discipline our children or not to discipline our children.
It tells us how to allow our children to have full expression, and not be
stifled in any way. If
our children are not expendable, then we need to get our identity or a sense of
validation from them and their achievements. Our culture
tells us as parents that we must make sports a god in our kid's life.
There is always pressure to be busy every night of the week with a sport,
a music lesson, and or some other extra curricular activity. And, if your
family doesn't look like that, then you are not offering your children
everything they need. Clearly, they will be stunted somehow! More
loud voices say to us, buy your children everything they want, your a bad
parent if your child doesn't have the latest tech gadget, aren't allowed
to own every video game, and spend as much time as possible playing them.
God says; Children Are a Gift...
"Children are a gift of the Lord, the
fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the
children of one's youth." (Psalm 127: 3-4) Psalm 127 begins with,
"unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it."
God desires to build our homes and to give us what is needed to raise the
little gifts He has given us. The first perception buster in this psalm, compared
to what the voices of our culture are speaking, is that our children are
gifts. How do you view the children God has given you? Now,
speaking from personal experience, I didn't view my
children as little presents with big red bows on their heads everyday of
life! What the psalmist is teaching is a theological principle, that it
is God who gives you children, so we are to view them as coming directly from
His hand to ours. He then refers to our children as arrows. A
warrior in that time would have fashioned his own arrows to go into battle.
He would have spent many hours preparing them, making sure there were no
nicks in the shaft so they would fly straight, securing and sharpening the
point of the arrow so that it would penetrate the target. A warrior would
not be caught with arrows that could not protect, defend, and fulfill the
purpose for which they were given. In this we see the years we have our
children in our homes. We as warriors, under the watchful eye and
guidance of God Himself, are to fashion our arrows. We spend countless
hours straightening the shaft and making sure it is free from nicks and things
that would cause it to not fly straight. In doing this, we lead our
children to God, and participate with Him, by showing our children their sin
and the only answer to that sin is Jesus. Because, one day, you will
shoot your arrows from your home and you want, or should want, them to be of
some effectiveness for Christ in this world. We want them to be able to
pierce through the culture on their own and stand firmly for God. How do
we do this? God's word is instructive, “Teach my words to your children,
talking about them when you sit in your house, and when you walk along the
road, and when you lie down, and when you rise up." (Duet. 11:19) We are
to talk about God, even when they are tiny and don't fully understand, we talk
about Him all the time and everywhere we go. We can be teaching our
children theology even as toddlers! When you see a bird or a pretty flower
and you point it out to them, then you ask them who made the bird? God
did! Who made you? God did! They learn God is Creator and He
even made them. Theology! God tells us how children are to respond to
parents and how parents are not to respond to their children. "Children obey your
parents... Father's don't provoke your
children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord." (Eph. 6:1-4) Ultimately we want our children to learn to
obey God. Children will not learn to obey God if they can't obey their
parents, nor will they learn to obey God if mom and dad don't obey God.
How do we discipline? "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of
a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him" (Prov. 22:15) this
is wading into some deep waters in our culture today! To spank or not to
spank, that is the question! I really think the question is; do we know
what biblical discipline is? Whether it is a spanking, taking away
something precious, or time out, if any of these methods are used to punish our
children and somehow hope for right behavior, we don't have a biblical understanding of discipline.
Discipline means to teach and to give understanding. There might be a
sting at first, but the goal is to teach and get to the heart of issue of what
is going on. Our children need to see us modeling what we are trying to teach.
"Effective teaching involves explaining to our children what they
are already observing in our lives by
example." C.J. Mahaney. How does God deal with us? What is
He after in us, good behavior? No! God is
after a pure heart, a heart that is His, and desires to follow. So
should our "discipline" be with our children. "Watch over
your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life."
Good behavior isn't the goal; a pure heart is the goal. I don't
know about you? But, God isn't through with me yet! He patiently
parents me day after day.
Hey exhausted mommy, you're doing a good work, you're doing the most important
work! Stop comparing yourself, and stop worrying that you are going to
mess them up! If reading mommy blogs, books, and magazine causes you to
just feel like you're a failure, because you look at all "so and so"
is doing with her kids, stop reading them! After all, do you even know if
what you are reading is true? Real life looks a little chaotic at times,
sometimes there's a load of laundry that needs to be folded on the couch, and
dirty dishes in the sink, and a child that is disobedient, and....the list goes on. Let's get
real! Call an older woman! An older woman can be someone just a
little further down the road than you or she can be that woman who has already
raised her children. I remember crying on the telephone one day to an older
woman, (my mom) about how hard my strong willed child was being, how I felt
like all I did from sun up to sun down was discipline, and how everything
seemed to have come to a stand still in my home, or should I say a
"stand-off". She said these words, "God could have given
them to any mommy, but He chose you, I guess that was His confidence that you
would, with His help raise them to love Him. And sweet daughter nothing, not
laundry, not meals, nothing, is more important than the two little lives He has entrusted to
you." Wise words and just the words I needed to close the chapter on
that day and get up and do it all over again, with purpose. I know you
are tired, I know there are days you want to throw in the towel, and I know
there are days you cry and worry. I know because I lived them too.
"Don't lose heart in doing what is good, for in due time you will
reap if you do not grow weary." Galatians 6:9
Still learning to abide, and cheering you on!!
Kim
P.S. some excellent resources in your pursuit of God's ways in parenting and
leading your children.
Leading Little Ones To God
Jesus Storybook Bible/curriculum
Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Shepherding Your Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
The Mission
of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
How To Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell
